You'd think as much as the darned thing costs it would play EVERYTHING and be easier to use! I have had the most frustrating time setting it up and syncing it. It finally says it's charged but I have no idea how to turn the volume up. lol I am not electronically gifted. I should give it to Geoffrey.

He got home without incident tonight and the bus was 3 minutes earlier than what he thought was acceptable time! YAY. He brought 3 text books home and began his first homework which was an introductory letter about himself for his Language Arts teacher. He is so funny when he writes. He told her I have dyslexia and it makes me cry sometimes - and we have 11 cats which is why he is covered in cat hair 24/7. He told her he wants to set a good example for other kids and make all A's. He also told her he loves to fall asleep to soft music.

The birds are fed and all is well at our house. Hope yours is peaceful and full of love. Sweet dreams.

The bus driver stopped to talk to my husband and let him know Geoffie doesn't like riding the bus. It's too much for him and he cried. Not one word to hubby about the fight between two students, the screaming kids and the return trip to the school that put him home close to 5:30. Some people have such nerve.

Geoffie and I talked last night and he will continue to ride the bus for another week at the least. I told him we could pick him up from school, but when you change things instead of ride them out, there is a trade off of one set of problems for another. Those fighting kids would not be on the bus today - I could promise him that. The driver will learn the route, the time will become more set and he'll be home earlier as she learns it. If daddy picks him up, daddy doesn't bring him right home. A new problem. Daddy wants to get dinner, or a snack, or run to get cat food or milk, it will take longer to get home and if daddy does that for him, I will not let him complain about the new set up. We weren't planning on the extra gas - there would be a new situation to deal with.

He understands and he will wait and see what happens. Steve on the other hand was ready to go get him TODAY.

I was thinking about how often we run from one situation just to face another - which is worse for us? Or does the idea of worse even apply? If we wait, the situation will play itself out - it may be wiser to wait, because when we put our wants in the mix, we can cloud what's happening and the set of circumstances goes from being about time and chance and life, to being something we decided to change. There is a big difference in the two. One is not necessisarily Karmic, and one could very well be.

This was just a thought I had this morning.

I wonder if he will appreciate me when he grows up or take his problems elsewhere. lol poor baby. He has a mama who watches but says wait. I'll step in - but not until he has a chance to manage whatever is happening. Personally, the bus driver is lucky she talked to Steve and not me - she'd of never got off blaming Geoffie's tears on the bus ride because I know better. I'll go to her boss over fighting - that bus will have an aide before my son is chased off of it due to someone else fighting... GROWL. A crying child should be her biggest problem.

It's all good. It always is.

The kiddo came home with more paperwork for me to see. He was all puffed and proud because he is in Probe math. Accelerated math. I thought he was but I never realize it means more than the 'regular' class. He told me he is totally aware how hard he'll have to work and I need to stop worrying. WELLL... I guess I'm over protective!

He announced that in addition to a clarinet or saxaphone, he wants to learn to play the guitar. YES!!!

and I ordered dirt today!

I can't tell you how good I feel to have all this indoor/outdoor work done. We have the videos/dvds in a real place. The huge antique mirror is hung. The shelf is up in my kitchen. Geoffie's door is replaced and the laundry area is closed off. All the wall shelves in the closet are attached to studs. The ceiling in the living room is ready to paint. The beds are framed in, the cold frames are amazing and weighted, the faucet is no longer under the deck. The electrical sockets are available in my living room - we hung our colored paper globes in the kitchen... I feel like I'm home. I know that sounds like a silly thing to say, but it feels so good in here. Oh yeah, I have orders not to let the cats get any fatter because they have the biggest pet door they can have in the back of my cabinet! lol

Steve's planning siding and sofit and facia - the fireplace area and one spot upstairs where the ceiling leaked last rainstorm. Then we will be done.

Geoffie had a wonderful first day of school except for ... my changing his bus stop made him ride it 20 minutes longer than had I left it alone! Poor baby. Leave it to mama. He's decided he wants to take band (not orchestra) and will try the saxaphone or a clarinet.  Interesting choices from my child. lol

I am so tired from everything we've done the last few days. My knees and ankles don't want to bend. Tomorrow I'm ordering dirt! I also have a 7 day work week beginning tomorrow. Well - what can I say????

BRING IT ON!

I have been terrible - I have let the dishes sit for a while and finally washed them tonight. As I was putting them away, I hadn't really thought about the missing cats. We've had handimansteve in the house for the last few days and the cats stay hidden most times. Anyway, I opened the lower cabinets to put away the cookie sheets to find 3 cats sleeping in my big pots! My dutch oven was full of Maybeans! My crock pot had Patches in it. and my big turkey roasting pan held a big old Snowball kitty! lol We have a rule in this house - all dishes get washed before using - good thang or we'd have to get rid of the cats! the cats! the cats!

I went shopping this morning about 11 and picked up a birthday card for Kansas. His Birthday is the 19th. He'll be 28. I told him I'll rent a car to be able to come on the 24th. He called me and asked for a book this week. He sent a pkg request for 3 CDS, socks underwear, pajamas and a towel. He don't ask for much but he sure needs a bit of money sometimes for food. His cd player broke too. DARN.  As I was reading cards to my son cards - I thought how we all wish differnt things for our children. We want them to experience the best life offers and it doesn't work out like WE want... honestly, his lessons have brought my greatest life lessons to ME. Before his trouble, I didn't believe in unconditional love. Now I know there is such a thing. We can love even in the face of what we think will surely break our hearts. Yes, I'd change things for him but I am not ashamed of him. I would stand in any crowd and shout it out - THIS IS MY SON. He is a survivor and he is strong. I'm proud of him. When he called me, he called himself an ex criminal. He says it sounds better than ex con. lol

I have kitchen shelves tonight - and louvered laundry doors. I can order dirt this coming week. Taryn checked in -she's bored, looking for a new job. Kay calls for little things once or twice a day - just to laugh or get my opinion. Kaiha has isolated herself again. Vanessa had a triathalon this weekend. I expect to hear from her tomorrow. Geoffie is asking everything he can about what to expect tomorrow. He's thrilled that his bus will not come until 8:30. He's worried about his kittens being alone.

I fried chicken and made potatoes and greenbeans and grape tomatoes and fresh basil. Steve said "what's for dinner tonight?" and I looked up and said "nothing - this is for tomorrow." Geoffrey told the handiman "Mommy doesn't cook much because she doesn't know how to cook for 3 people." LMBO!!!! He doesn't eat what I make anyway - how'd he know that? I only really cook for crowds! AND my cats sleep in my pots.

So as I say good night, I found that last lesson thingy I was looking for - when you find yourself in a low place, do not withdraw from your supoport. It's so important to have counsel from others - even if you don't want to hear IT WILL GET BETTER because you can't see the light places - those who say that, KNOW the light will reappear. Lean on your friends. Alone is not a healthy place. THIS next is an old blog too -

I'm Gonna Take That Mountain

I thought about telling my kids where my blog is at...then thought NAHHHHH........ A mother has to have her thoughts where they aren't encumbered by the opinions of her grown kids.

I realized last night that my son, at 11, has finally moved out of our bedroom. I used to wonder what we were going to do if he was 14 and still sleeping on his palet. I remember telling my oldest son that when he turned three, the milk for him would be gone. He weaned then... at 3. I should have told Geoffrey the same thing about his palet I guess. You know that he learned to meditate by doing it with me in the evenings. Now he turns on the CD as he lays down on his own. For 11 yrs, every night when he went to bed, he had a backrub and lullabies. For a child with autism, touch is very important. I think this should be a rite of passage. For him and me. My youngest is growing up. And my sweet husband can have a light on during sex. lol Such freedom. LOL

I went to my MYSpace blog which I never touch, and there was a message from Kaiha saying "hi mommy" I checked on my 16 yr old's blog and she writes like her addiction is an award - something that makes her better than someone who didn't experience her particular one. She has so much growing to do.

what is in the heads of teens? I try to think back to when I was 16 and all I wanted was not to be beat with a belt, or hit or molested or screamed at... or to be the mother because my mother had a nervous breakdown - I didn't want to watch her wiggle her teeth until they came out of her head. I wanted to not be hungry. I thought my father would swoop in like a white knight and rescue me - if he just knew where I was and what I was going through. I was obcessed with thoughts of finding him. I was the oldest of 5 in the home and I was doing the dishes and cleaning and laundry. I was signed out of school and told it was ok since I was failing anyway. I don't know...is one experience a bigger badge than the other?

I was 32 before I found my strength to make changes. That was when I decided I would never hit my children in anger again. That's when I decided no one would ever push me or pull my hair or tell me I was stupid. I got my GED, enrolled in college, parented my 5 kids - kept my 4.0 as my marriage fell apart because my husband was threatened at his loss of control. To get out, I had to leave them with their father. It was the hardest place I'd ever been - and I also chose not to kill myself and to LIVE in spite of the pain - and in spite of their anger at the path I had to walk.

All of my choices are now on the backs of my children as are their own choices. They started out abused and life has been hard - and every day I pray that my example is one they can pull from. They have seen me move out from under the thumb of abuse and control. They know it was generational. I have not made perfect decisions HOWEVER no one is abusing me and I no longer abuse them. Maybe I don't have addictions...but that does not negate that I know what the heck I'm talking about. Life experience has been hard and intense. It doesn't make me better. It doesn't qualify as lucky. It just makes me someone who has been able to do what I try to help my kids do...their father may have had them in his physical household, but I have still been here. I have been an example of learning boundaries and new beginnings, and reclaiming sanity.

As young adults, they think they are so wise... I wish they could see how there are things people do to us, and things we do to ourselves. My goddess we'd be spared so much if we just didn't choose to hurt ourselves.

They tell me that a bottom place is still a bottom place.         

But at the bottom place- that emotional pit where there is no where to go but sideways or UP...I chose UP. And I did NOT leave them at the bottom. Why in the world are they climbing down there when they have choices? I'm here for them but I am here to help them to the UP place. I'm not climbing down in the pit with them.

Reba McIntire has a song where the words say I'm gonna take that mountain - she's not gonna climb it, she's not going around it, she's not going to fight it. She's gonna leave it level with the ground. Talk about a mantra song.

To my children I say it's time to move the mountain. I don't want to look at it anymore - I'm not into entertaining guilt or making excuses... and I ain't leaving you behind. The mountain is going down.