Do you all know the Johnny and June Carter Cash song "Jackson"?
Well somewhere, Geoffrey heard it...
he was going through the house singing
"We got married in a beaver"
I Laughed my 'tail' off!
He would not hear of me correcting his words!

You know dear ones, I thought I could accept changes in my life on all physical levels. I learned today that I better not put myself on such a pedestal...I am just as weak as the next person.

I had a drs appointment today and as I went over my 'list" of 12 things, the dr summed it up into one category. He checked "menopause symptoms". I have been weepy all day. I feel like I am entering the backside of things. I thought I could handle it and instead I need a good cry and some tlc. The dr said we won't borrow any trouble, we will wait for test results and lab reports. He didn't offer me any medication at all except for over active bladder. How embarrasing. I told him I couldn't do a urine sample and he chuckled kindly and told me to run the water. I have had my pap-test and need to get my mamogram...all the tests cost 500$. Then it is 110$ to go back for a folow up visit. These are things you don't think about when you are busy taking care of everyone else.

Well...what can I say? Someone smack me back into my good humor please? I'm not doing good tonight. I am tired. I had to work till 8 and all I want to do is stay home and garden... and sleep.

Guess I better get off the pity potty and do some serious blessing listing. My sweet little boy wants a story. I love you all.
~Morning Rain

We have been struggling with a couple things here. Steve has been very sick with this round of bronchitis...I have planned my garden and will be trying to work with herbs, learning them, and growing them. Hopefully this will help him. I am meeting my goals at work. I am meeting goals with my children. I set self goals to reach greater heights spiritually. I make sure I pray and talk to Creator all the time. The thing I think that gets away from me is the quiet time. It is very necessary to mental health and spiritual growth. I need the quiet time. I am always looking to both the physical and spiritual. This morning, balance is on my mind.
Wednesday last week one of my teeth started hurting. I struggled through the pain over the weekend and called the dentist Monday. Yesterday they fit me in. I expected having the tooth pulled. What I didn't anticipate was the infection that was present. It had spread to two more teeth. They brought me an estimate on fixing the teeth---$5,000. I sat there and fought crying for a few minutes. I realized my tears were vanity. I don't have that kind of money and the teeth had to be pulled. Man. 3 teeth in a row. The sweet young lady who was the dental assistant reached out and took my hand. She gently told me that when the bone heals well, I need to come in and let them make me a partial denture. It only costs 1400$. It was a great kindness in that moment.
I guess what I am trying to say is that even when we think we are doing well...we need to watch. Small things may actually be much bigger than we expect when they come into the light. Some lessons that seem physical actually run to deep emotional/spiritual issues. I have always been one who cares for others...when you don't also care for yourself, you are not in a place of balance. As we move up the spiral as they say, I believe balance is everything. My teeth are not the issue here. The vanity aspect is something I have to look at. The fact I did not see the hidden infection is a spiritual syncronicity. I found an imbalance.

Just thought I'd share since I am taking the day off and had a few minutes. I feel like I have been through the wringer. As the dentist pulled my teeth, I knew it would not hurt. I have had other teeth pulled and been just fine. My body was trembling...from top to bottom. Tensed and shaking and i could not control it. The nurse said it was ok and I didn't have to be afraid. I didn't realize my reaction was fear. I guess it was. I was afraid of the gap I now have and how I would look. I look fine...it's supid to think about this in such a way...but it's a human reaction...physical. And I have to look at how I feel. So that's what I'm doing this morning. Re examining fear and balance.

Anyway. Just thought I'd share my morning thinks. Maybe it will show you a lesson too.
love and hugs,
~Morning Rain

1/31/2005
You all will get a parental feeling out of this...
It does not ice in GA very often. It's been 3-4 yrs since we had ice. Well, my son, who would have learned about ice when he was much smaller had we just had some... took a piece of metal to my car to break the ice. I now have two small cracks in the lower right front windshield with about a 6 inch spider, and small bang marks all over the body of my car... it never entered my head to supervise an 8 yr old kid, almost 9, playing outside in the ice in the driveway. He came in and told me he got the ice off the car...well he sure did...

~Morning Rain

I am going into debt...

just for a while!

I have decided to make payments on a roto-tiller. I got my garden seeds last week in the mail. I am so determined to grow a garden again. I have spring fever! I also want to build a green house and begin a compost pile. How will I ever manage with 10 hrs a day gone from home! And then the morning dawns bright and beautiful, and I know I will make it work! I will be hanging grow lights in the basement I think to begin a work space there... I have the fever bad!!!

Steve wants to move to Franklin...or just before there, where we saw the eagle!

Geoffrey was playing with his pop gun this morning and he said mommy watch, I am going hunting. I turned around to make my usual comments about showing respect, giving an offering, asking permission...and my mouth just stopped. He reached into his pocket, pretended to bring something out and sprinkle it. He mouthed words, and carefully sighted his pop-gun...bang! He said I shot the buffalo mommy! I asked his permission and prayed just like I am suppossed to. Then he said he shot 45,000 and all the other warriors were hunting too. Well that is another conversation, but he's trying to remember. He'll be 9 in less than 2 weeks. For a kid with communication issues, he's doing darn good. He communicates where it's important.

We are playing the new flute CD this morning. I have drums, flutes, a keyboard, guitar, rattles, harmonica...clackers... MUSIC is available in this house. My son SINGS and harmonizes with what he is listening to. All of a sudden it is becoming apparent what instrument he is drawn to. He pretends to play the fiddle every time it is part of a song. So I am wondering if I should start him on the violin? Especially since band in school will teach him that. I am going to begin teaching him guitar soon, but I'm not very good. I want him to read music.
I am so busy in my mind lately. No wonder I can't get things finished! lol Oh the thinks I can think when I put my thinker in gear...

I'm going...I think it's the sunshine!
Have a good one everybody.
~Morning Rain